


I’m just a problem that doesn’t want to be solved

by Miyukitty



Series: Yowamushi Ghoul [5]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul, 弱虫ペダル | Yowamushi Pedal
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Tokyo Ghoul, Anxiety, Asexual Relationship, Blood Drinking, Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Cohabitation, Cooking, Crossover, Dubcon Kissing, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Hand Feeding, Horror, Kagune Usage, M/M, Mental Instability, Murder, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Possessive Behavior, Power Dynamics, Sorry Not Sorry, Spooning, This is My Design, Torture, Yandere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3880492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyukitty/pseuds/Miyukitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a sharp tightness in his chest as he reached the parking lot – a bad feeling, if he wanted to be vague about it.</p>
<p>Teshima frowned as he dropped the trash in the dumpster. He had not become so dependent that he couldn't part with Aoyagi for a brief errand, had he? He knew it was a bad habit of his, dependency, and quashed the urge to go back upstairs and forget about the stupid coffee. </p>
<p>He would come back with coffee, dammit, because he didn't have to like being apart but he could still handle it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Because they took our love and they filled it up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kiriska](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiriska/gifts).



> T2 sequel to the [meet-cute](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3465224) and [first date](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3489212) fics in this series. Ghouls have weird quirks. :3
> 
> Sohoku are ghouls, Hakogaku are CCG, and no one is safe. >:) Basic knowledge of Tokyo Ghoul anatomy/terminology is recommended but there are no direct plot tie-ins. 
> 
> This fic has a [PLAYLIST WITH (SPOILERY) FANART](http://8tracks.com/kiriska/love-i-d-never-hurt-you) thanks to my partner-in-crime Kiriska, who also proofread this ~~and has been harassing me to write it for months, send help~~!  <3 <3 <3

 

Teshima never used to keep much for entertainment in his apartment other than a handful of books and magazines. He didn't spend enough time there to justify a television, computer, or games. (Not that he could afford technology other than his phone anyway.)

 

To him, the apartment was a lonely space since it was devoid of personal affects or anything that could compromise his identity. He was guilty of avoiding it sometimes, unless he needed to charge his phone or change his clothes. His thoughts were too loud, and sleep didn't come easily. He liked to spend most of his time out in Tokyo. He mingled in crowds and met city dwellers, always observing and learning their idiosyncrasies. He mapped routes in his head, and listened for gossip about Doves or fellow ghouls. He sat in cafés and pretended to read while he watched the people come and go.

 

His life changed in little ways since Aoyagi unofficially moved in. (The loner ghoul came over to use the shower and basically never left afterward.) Teshima still couldn't believe how natural it all felt, pieces falling into place like they were always meant to be halves of one whole. He was giving up his need for control, little by little, and he was strangely okay with it.

 

Their pair bond was still new, affirmed constantly with lingering touches and long glances and an inability to separate for any length of time. He might have been embarrassed if he had any ghoul friends, but thankfully no one was around to comment on the way even their scents were converging into one. (If Aoyagi ever found the shirt Teshima used to sleep with, he didn't mention it.)

 

They often went for walks through the park or shopping centers, but once Aoyagi started to get restless (or worse, hungry), they were quick to head back to the flat. Aoyagi lacked patience and subtlety, two key components to blending in with humankind. Teshima felt safer keeping Aoyagi in the studio away from prying eyes, but it also meant he needed to entertain him. They spent many hours alone together now, and Teshima didn't want him to get bored of his company. He thought perhaps he could teach the formerly homeless ghoul a bit more about society at the same time, and build up his tolerance.

 

He purchased a cheap portable DVD player for his agenda and made frequent trips to the library to borrow movies and TV shows that he knew nothing about, just so they could try them together. They would tangle under the covers, pressed close enough to synchronize their breathing and feel each others' pulse, and listen over tinny speakers to human actors telling stories.

 

Quite often neither of them cared for what was on screen, and Teshima was quick to analyze out loud: that one actress had no chemistry with her co-stars, the plot twist was predictable and cliché, the special effects were laughably bad. Aoyagi would nod in agreement with each assessment, but watch the images like a hawk all the same, raptly focused on the dramas of a life unlike any he had known.

 

Teshima sometimes felt like he spent more time watching Aoyagi than the DVDs, but that was okay too.

 

Once Teshima made the mistake of choosing a foreign film, and learned Aoyagi was too slow to read subtitles. (Did he have any formal education at all, Teshima wondered.) He had to suppress his giggling the entire time because Aoyagi's frustrated glares were hopelessly adorable. When he finally caved and laughed aloud, Aoyagi pinned him to the mattress and kissed and tickled him all over, until the flustered blush spread from the tips of Teshima's ears down the back of his neck and he had to beg for mercy. He made sure to choose dubbed imports from then on.

 

Regardless of the content, those peaceful days always ended the same way. Eventually, when Aoyagi replayed the disc for the third time and stopped silently asking about the objects he didn't recognize on screen, Teshima would nuzzle against the smaller ghoul's shoulder and drift into an easy sleep he could never find on his own.

 

* * *

 

Teshima scribbled his shopping list with a frown while Aoyagi stretched languidly on the floor, hair damp from a shower. The batteries for the DVD player were dead, and they were almost out of coffee grounds as well.

 

They would have to go hunting soon. The edges of hunger and anemia left him faintly lightheaded. Their last hunt had been an incredible rush, though. He shivered at the memory of magnificent ukaku wings shining against the night sky. It was probably too soon to try the park again; he resolved to plan a hunting excursion for them that would take a new route.

 

Aoyagi distracted himself with one of the cooking magazines Teshima left laying around. He flipped through the pages quickly, staring at the photographs with a curious intensity that Teshima couldn't help but find charming.

 

"The older issues are on the shelf when you're done with those," Teshima stated helpfully. "Isn't human food interesting to look at? Some of the gourmet dishes are so beautiful; I'd be tempted to try them even though I know they would taste terrible. Bet they'd smell bad too, most likely."

 

Aoyagi nodded in silent assent and picked up the next issue, having finished skimming the first. Teshima poked his head in the refrigerator and clucked in disapproval; the handful of vegetables he had left were changing colors and shrinking in on themselves like melting candles. He would have to clean it out later to prevent mold or insects; gross.

 

"I need to buy new groceries," he muttered to himself. The ghoul turned back to Aoyagi with a bright smile. "Why don't you pick a recipe so we can make it together? You've never tried cooking human food before, right? It's really fun trying to follow all the steps to make it look like the picture."

 

Aoyagi blinked at him in unspoken confusion.

 

"No, we can't use meat. Human meat, that is, we _could_ use an animal," Teshima explained with a wave of his hand. "It's just for fun! It's art. And it can be good practice for blending in. You aren't great at that," he chuckled good-naturedly.

 

Aoyagi huffed under his breath and stood up. Teshima's teasing smile didn't falter even as the ghoul caught him around the waist and pulled him close.

 

"I want to make a cake, Junta," Aoyagi murmured. He stared intently into Teshima's eyes, conveying how serious he was. "Like the one on the cover."

 

"That wedding cake with all the layers and the fancy frosting? W-well, maybe we can make a simpler one to start with," Teshima giggled with the same giddy nervousness he experienced whenever Aoyagi got that close. Aoyagi hugged his waist tighter as though affection would convince him to master the art of baking pastries. The taller ghoul hummed distractedly and fidgeted.

 

"We'll make a couple different things, okay? I was thinking more like fried rice, or chicken noodle soup, but we might have enough money to get cake ingredients," Teshima hemmed and hawed. Aoyagi buried his face into Teshima's chest and sighed happily. Teshima automatically raised a hand and stroked through drying hair.

 

"Come on, let's go to the store. We'll buy batteries so we can watch a movie after cooking."

 

* * *

 

 

By sunset, they spent their stolen cash on the cheapest ingredients they could find. The ghouls hauled shopping bags in a race up the stairs to the apartment. Aoyagi won because Teshima's bag handle tore and he nearly spilled the eggs, or so he protested; Aoyagi usually won anyway. (Even if he fell behind, Teshima would let him win.)

 

Teshima had picked out a premade mix that looked simple enough that even they could handle it, and Aoyagi had grudgingly admitted that the picture on the box _did_ look fancy, _somewhat_. Once the oven preheated, they did their level best to follow the instructions and actually bake a cake. Teshima dutifully measured out the required water, oil, and eggs, then Aoyagi enthusiastically mixed the batter and poured it into the baking pan. When the timer went off, they wrestled each other to quickly open the oven door and save their creation from burning.

 

As it cooled, they slathered it with frosting to cover up the cracks and imperfections. It didn't look anything like the photo, Teshima mused, but it was their crowning achievement.

 

"Now you have to eat it," Teshima teased as he dabbed icing on Aoyagi's nose. Aoyagi scowled.

 

"Smells awful," he muttered, and Teshima laughed with an _I-told-you-so_ kind of smugness.

 

"I'll try it first," the taller ghoul offered. He cut a small sliver onto a plate and held it dubiously up to eye level. The fetid scent was cloying in a way that reminded him of decomposition, or rotting flowers; an unpleasant sweetness he could taste before it even touched his tongue. Bravely Teshima scooped a forkful into his mouth while Aoyagi stared on unblinkingly.

 

"…Urk," he groaned. "Y-yeah, it's… really bad. Spongy and overpowering… ugh, the frosting is like… chemicals and melted plastic…"

 

Finally he spat it out into the sink and ran water over his tongue. "Definitely better to look at than eat. But it's your turn," Teshima smirked as he wiped his mouth on his arm.

 

Aoyagi squared his shoulders and nodded in determination. The smaller ghoul used his hand to scoop a chunk of cake into his mouth, and attempted to quickly swallow it without chewing. His gag reflex sent him reeling to the sink, eyes watering while he coughed and retched.

 

Teshima rubbed his shoulders sympathetically until he got it all out. Panting, Aoyagi glared at him like it was his fault.

 

"You took way too much! Smaller bites," Teshima protested. "You don't know how to fake eating human food at all?"

 

Aoyagi shook his head vehemently. Teshima breathed an exaggerated sigh and picked up another forkful.

 

"You just take small bites and _pretend_ to chew. Don't actually chew on it, though, and if you have a napkin, you can spit it out without being noticed," he explained patiently. Didn't all city ghouls learn this? Again, he was struck by how isolated Aoyagi must have been. Teshima couldn't fathom living completely apart from society.

 

He demonstrated the technique slowly with a fake smile, rolling unappetizing globules of frosting and pastry on his tongue as he worked his jaw. He swallowed the food with a satisfied noise, looking for all the world like he was enjoying the indigestible garbage he'd consumed.

 

"C'mon, you try again," Teshima encouraged. He poked Aoyagi playfully, trying to lighten the mood, but Aoyagi caught him by the wrist.

 

"The aftertaste is still in my mouth," the shorter ghoul complained, and eyed him meaningfully.

 

Teshima gulped.

 

A faint blush rose in his cheeks as he immediately intuited what Aoyagi was hinting at. It was never far from his thoughts.

 

"You… can have a little if you keep practicing this… Just to get the taste out," he murmured.

 

The grip on his wrist tightened in anticipation. Aoyagi was not a patient ghoul, but he would always wait for Teshima's permission.

 

Teshima raised his hand and slipped a finger past Aoyagi's lips. The ghoul bit down hard enough to break the skin, making Teshima flinch. Aoyagi held him firmly by the wrist as he chewed, savoring the blood that seeped from the damaged flesh.

 

A soft whine caught in Teshima's throat, and he buried his nose in Aoyagi's silky hair, breath hitching on every inhale. His other hand gripped the fabric of Aoyagi's shirt, anchoring him as he swayed on his feet. They leaned into each other for a time, listening to each other breathe.

 

Eventually Teshima grew dizzy, his breathing shallow. Aoyagi's desire was sated, and they sank to the kitchen floor together. Teshima freed his bleeding hand and wrapped it in the bottom of his shirt, wincing faintly as he waited for the wound to knit closed. None of the bones were fractured this time – Aoyagi was learning control. He settled his head onto Aoyagi's lap, who wrapped his arms possessively around Teshima's shoulders.

 

"Junta," the ghoul spoke, and licked his lips. Teshima waited for the question he sensed would follow. The room was spinning, but he was catching his breath.

 

"How do you know so much about humans?" _Did someone teach you like you're teaching me?_

 

Black and red kakugan peered curiously down. Teshima smiled and raised his good hand to touch Aoyagi's cheek reassuringly.

 

"…Actually, I lived with a human family when I was in middle school. I was about ten when I was separated from my parents – Doves took them in for questioning, and I moved in with a classmate," he explained matter-of-factly.

 

Aoyagi nodded in acceptance. As usual, nothing fazed him. Teshima added drowsily, "I think I was fourteen when I met Tadokoro-san and left with him. It was strange living with ghouls again after fitting in with humans. I can still play human pretty well, huh?" He winked, but Aoyagi simply nodded again. It was true.

 

"Can we… I'm pretty worn out, maybe we can go to bed?" Teshima asked hopefully. He yawned, and Aoyagi helped him sit up, concern sharp in his golden eyes.

 

"I'm fine, you didn't take too much. We just gotta hunt soon. Rent is due next week, so let's pick someone with money," Teshima mumbled. Aoyagi nodded, and clasped his good hand with determination.

 

They left the kitchen a mess, turned off the lights, and crawled into the single bed side by side. Teshima fumbled in the dark with the DVD player until he got the new batteries facing in the right directions, and left a classic black-and-white romance movie playing softly for Aoyagi to watch for the tenth time. His finger throbbed, but it was no longer bleeding, and he knew from experience it would heal once he slept it off. He marveled at how normal this all seemed to him now.

 

He felt Aoyagi's warmth snuggled against the curve of his back, and his eyes were closed before he hit the pillow.

 

* * *

 

 

When he woke, the mid-morning light was bright through the window. Aoyagi was still softly snoring against his back, arms and legs tangled around Teshima's midsection. _He_ _must have stayed up late watching the movie_. The taller ghoul gently shimmied free without waking his partner, and tucked the covers back around him so his limbs wouldn't get cold.

 

Bleary-eyed, he stumbled into the kitchen and began to tidy up the mess they'd made last night. He put the cake in the fridge (not entirely confident that it required refrigeration but figuring it couldn't hurt), and swept the egg shells and flour into the trash. The bowls and pans were dumped into the sink and left dirty, for now.

 

He eyed the coffeemaker with vague annoyance as he realized in all the excitement he'd forgotten to buy more grounds. _Damn_. He needed to plan a hunt for tonight, and his head was much too fuzzy for strategy without caffeine.

 

Teshima pulled his hair into a messy ponytail, changed out of his shorts, then scribbled a quick note for Aoyagi in case he woke up alone. There was some spare change in the bottom of the grocery bag, and he slipped it into his pocket, figuring he could pick up to-go cups at the closest café. He zipped up his hoodie, knotted the trash bag, and slung it over his shoulder before shuffling out the door.

 

There was a sharp tightness in his chest as he reached the parking lot – a bad feeling, if he wanted to be vague about it. Teshima frowned as he dropped the trash in the dumpster. He had not become so dependent that he couldn't part with Aoyagi for a brief errand, had he? He knew it was a bad habit of his, dependency, and quashed the urge to go back upstairs and forget about the stupid coffee. He would come back with coffee, dammit, because he didn't have to _like_ being apart but he could still _handle_ it.

 

His hoodie smelled a little bit like Aoyagi, and it took the edge off his anxiety to hold the sleeves up to his face before stepping out.

 

* * *

 

 

Tokyo was always bustling with people. It was past morning commute, but Teshima still had to work his way past a gaggle of sightseers with cameras and several businessmen in suits to enter the café. The interior was dimly lit in comparison to the bright sun, and he blinked rapidly to clear his vision. He didn't often patronize this coffeehouse simply because it was too close to the apartment and he didn't want to give away his location, but they did have cheaper prices than his usual.

 

As the afterimages cleared from his sight, Teshima's heart thudded heavily. There weren't many patrons seated at this hour, but there was one group that made the hair on the nape of his neck rise. Four ghoul investigators in pristine regalia sat across from each other at one table. He had to walk past them to reach the cashier. He gulped.

 

It would arouse suspicion if he left after seeing them, wouldn't it? His feet were leaden as he moved unwillingly toward them. It was too early for this level of stress. His neuroses came rushing back in full force whenever he was apart from Aoyagi, even for such a short time. He tried to imagine himself back in bed, Aoyagi peacefully sleeping against him. It didn't work.

 

_Act normal. Smile._

 

_Be relaxed and confident._

 

_Don't avoid eye contact. Don't sweat._

 

Each step brought a new instruction. He was awkwardly aware of his posture and couldn't remember how to move naturally. His shoulders felt too stiff. He tried to slouch, just a little, so his spine was less rigid. His hands slipped into his pockets. He couldn't tell if that was better.

 

_Don't hold your breath. Act casual._

 

_They don't know your face. They're not looking for trouble._

 

_Stay calm, stay calm._

 

_You can fool them, Junta._

 

Teshima edged his way past the quartet and fought the urge to breathe a sigh of relief when he didn't bump into any of their backs. He quietly placed his order and paid with the coins in his pocket. Waiting was a whole new challenge.

 

The slender ghoul leaned against the counter and suppressed the urge to impatiently drum his fingers. He could hear them chewing on their food. Their scents intermingled; the unpleasant reek of their brunch meals and quinque steel grew stronger with each minute that ticked by. He tried not to stare, but felt his eyes sliding toward them all the same, picking out details and obsessively cataloguing them.

 

The one with his back facing Teshima simply looked giant; he was taller than everyone else in the café, with awkwardly long limbs and a crop of wavy auburn hair streaked with blue dye. He was the only one not eating. To his left was a skinny man with straight platinum hair who was gesticulating grandly with a pastry and speaking the loudest. The investigator on the right side was the shortest, but muscle-bound and solid. His neatly shaven head was politely nodding, paying rapt attention to the conversation. At the far side of the table, a shaggy redhead with broad shoulders and hooded blue eyes was happily polishing off his companions' portions of food while they were talking.

 

For a brief moment, he made eye contact with Teshima – who felt a chill race down his spine. _Danger_. He smiled out of reflex, and the Dove smiled back, seeming satisfied. Teshima remained unsettled. He needed to get out of here before his fraying nerves got the better of him. If any one of that quartet had good instincts, they would all hone in on his insecurity. Bile burned in the back of his throat as he eavesdropped.

 

"Manami’s still in the hospital and we haven't caught the bastard who put him there," the white-haired Dove complained.

 

"Juichi assigned us this area because he knows the Peak Spider's territory. He'll turn up sooner or later," shrugged the laidback redhead. He reached over shamelessly to steal untouched food from the crew cut Dove's plate.

 

"Shinkai-san is right. We'll find him and bring him to justice. Don't worry, Yuki," the muscular investigator stated seriously before pushing the remainder of his meal toward his hungry partner. The one called Shinkai flashed a bright smile and quickly devoured what was left.

 

"Number twenty, two black coffees to go?" the barista called.

 

Teshima started, then smiled gratefully at the young woman setting the pair of travel cups down nearby. He reached out eagerly, but at the touch of another hand from behind, flinched back.

 

"That's my order," he said quickly, and grasped the cups for good measure.

 

"Are you sure? I'm pretty sure I ordered coffee a while ago. One could be mine."

 

"I have the receipt right here, if…"

 

He turned and found himself staring at the ornate dove logo of a CCG chest patch. The voluminous white coat towered over him. He had to tilt his head upward to make eye contact with the tall man crowding him against the counter. They both froze.

 

Teshima's stomach lurched. He nearly dropped the coffees, and despite his best efforts not to react visibly, couldn't rein in the tremble in his hands.

 

"Shikiba," he whispered, slowly deflating.

 

He felt like he was seeing a ghost. He should have known the scent, but it was different than he recalled – corroded in some way, and masked with quinque and CCG and everything that set off alarm bells in Teshima's head.

 

Ashikiba Takuto had grown impossibly tall, to the point where even the iconic greatcoat of the ghoul investigators looked a little too short in the sleeves for his elongated frame. His hair was longer and wavier than it used to be, windswept into cowlicks. The gentle eyes and soft features were unmistakable, though, right down to the beauty mark on his cheek like Teshima remembered it.

 

It was his friend from middle school, the one whose family took him in. And that friend was clad in the uniform of an enemy.

 

Ashikiba had a look of disbelief that would have been comical in any other situation; the color drained from his face, jaw dropped, eyes wide as saucers. But Teshima was well and truly terrified, because with one word, his cover would be blown and he'd be skewered by four quinque before he could blink.

 

 _Aoyagi_ _won't know what happened to me. I'll just never come home._ He shook his head, pleading with his eyes – _don't do this, Shikiba, please._

 

Ashikiba's lavender eyes slid to the three investigators seated at his table. None of them had noticed the tense standoff yet. He looked back at Teshima, and a profound sadness settled over his countenance. He looked like he was about to cry.

 

Teshima cringed against the counter, stupidly holding coffees to his chest as though they would shield him. He was trapped. The exit was past the Doves. He was going to make a scene and draw everyone's attention. Why was Shikiba a Dove?!

 

"Jun-chan…" The giant stated dolefully.

 

Teshima's mouth twisted into a nervous grin. He hadn't heard that nickname in years. Beads of cold sweat prickled along his exposed skin. He wondered if he looked half as manic as he felt, with his thoughts racing uncontrollably and his heart threatening to burst out of his ribcage.

 

"What do you want," he exhaled weakly.

 

"I want my coffee. But I also think we need to talk, Jun-chan," Ashikiba answered solemnly.

 

Teshima choked back a hysterical chuckle, and handed over one of the two cups. They were obviously his, he had the receipt to prove it, but now wasn't the time to argue. Ashikiba brightened and accepted it with two hands like something precious he didn't want to lose.

 

In a daze, he watched Ashikiba stride back to his table and loudly explain that he was leaving early to meet with someone. The platinum-blond Dove – Yuki, was it? – made some quip about getting lost in the city and making sure his phone battery was charged so he could call for directions. The other two investigators looked curious, but waved him off without worry.

 

The icy ball of dread sank lower in Teshima's stomach as he slunk past their table again, hoping fervently they didn't realize he was the one Ashikiba was so eager to leave with.

 

* * *

 

 

_[Ran into an old friend in the café and stopped to chat. Be back soon. Get some rest for tonight, okay? It's a date <3 ]_

 

Teshima sent the text to Aoyagi, then slid the phone surreptitiously back in his pocket. He was walking aimlessly, knowing only that he wanted to lead the Dove as far away from the apartment as he could. Ashikiba seemed content to drink his coffee and follow Teshima's lead.

 

His nerves hadn't settled. Being one-on-one should have relieved a _little_ of the tension – he had more escape options, more control over the situation – but he felt like a noose was drawing ever-tighter around his windpipe. It was more than just anxiety clamoring within him. Teshima couldn't pin down what exactly had him this worked up, but some base instinct was insistently warning him of impending danger.

 

They were walking alongside a brick wall decorated with vivid graffiti when Ashikiba abruptly stopped to drop his cup in a nearby trashcan. Teshima's eyes darted quickly, noting the side street was largely deserted save for passing traffic, and cautiously turned.

 

"You wanted to talk, Shikiba?" Teshima prompted carefully. The untouched coffee in his hands was cooling quickly.

 

"I couldn't, in front of my teammates… I missed you, Jun-chan, it's been so long. I was afraid you were dead," the Dove mumbled. He lurched forward, a mess of ungainly limbs, and swept Teshima into a warm hug.

 

The ghoul yelped and went stiff, barely saving the drink from being spilled. Consciously he knew this was not an assault, remembered how clingy his friend had been back then, but he could not force his shaking body to relax.

 

The tall investigator reluctantly released his hold, leaving Teshima to laugh nervously and fiddle with his ponytail. He realized he was afraid of Ashikiba for some reason beyond his uniform. He wasn't armed with a briefcase, even though he still reeked of quinque steel. Why was he here?

 

Guiltily, he avoided eye contact until it seemed rude; a quick glance upward showed him the Dove looked crestfallen. Here stood someone from his past who knew what he really was underneath all the false smiles and covers, and he hadn't yet pulled a trigger. Shikiba was still too trusting for this city.

 

"Jun-chan… _is_ a ghoul, right? It took me a long time to believe you weren't human. I trusted you. I believed you would come back. I waited."

 

Teshima shrank back against the rough bricks. He lied to a lot of people, but it wasn't often he had to face the fallout. The façade was second nature now; lying kept him alive. He wasn't proud of having deceived Ashikiba. Ashikiba would have believed anything he said.

 

"We were kids then," Teshima hedged awkwardly, staring down at cracks in the pavement. He refused to apologize for doing what he had to do to get by. Neither would he deny it. "It… wasn't easy for either of us. Back then. But you… I thought you were going to be a pianist. After I left."

 

He looked up with the question sharp in violet eyes, and tried not to flinch when he saw how close Ashikiba had gotten. Long fingers traced the curve of his jaw, sliding to tilt his chin upward. Teshima swallowed.

 

"Things changed without you around," Ashikiba exhaled sadly. "Music hurt too much. I changed when ghouls took away my best friend… We're on different teams now, Jun-chan."

 

He was too close. Teshima felt pinned all over again, dwarfed by the Dove's bulk and proximity. Ashikiba had always been a gentle child, but Teshima was caught on the way he'd emphasized _change_. The CCG did not harbor pacifists.

 

"You promised we'd be together," Ashikiba whispered.

 

Teshima was strangely cowed. _It's safer to play along,_ his mind whispered, unwilling to budge from where he was frozen. The tall Dove grasped his jaw and leaned in to press their lips together. The tentative kiss was soft but insistent, so different from Aoyagi's touch, so _wrong_.

 

It felt wrong. This was _wrong_. Teshima was repulsed and quickly jerked back, hitting his head against the bricks. He couldn't fake this like he used to.

 

"Jun-chan still tastes good," Ashikiba whispered reverently. Teshima bristled.

 

"Y-you can't do that anymore! You're right, we're on different… teams…"

 

His voice trailed off. Ashikiba Takuto was _human_. At least, he had been born that way; his scent was decidedly different now. All of a sudden he smelled like a _ghoul_.

 

One of his large, hopeful doe eyes remained a pastel shade of purple. The other shifted, to Teshima's growing horror – the sclera was stained dark, as the iris flashed blood red. _A partial kakugan._

 

"A one-eyed ghoul… what… what have you done," Teshima breathed weakly. He sagged back against the wall. "How is this possible…?"

 

Ashikiba smiled warmly, looking pleased with himself.

 

"I'm called a Quinx," he stated with pride. "I volunteered for the procedure once I graduated. The CCG operated on me. They said my body was good at this, so they implanted a modified quinque… I'm an artificial ghoul. I became a ghoul, Jun-chan. I changed."

 

The panic tasted acrid in the back of Teshima's throat. This was why he sensed something dangerous – a dead ghoul's organs were concealed within his friend's human body. Shikiba was a laboratory experiment, no longer human or ghoul. He put his blind faith in the wrong people, and they had done something hideous to him.

 

"I can't believe I finally found you," Ashikiba sobbed, overjoyed tears streaming from mismatched eyes.

 

Teshima was finally galvanized into action. He tore the lid from his cup and splashed the coffee in Ashikiba's face. The startled Dove staggered back a pace, and Teshima shoved him to the sidewalk and ran as hard and fast as he could. Teshima knew he was hyperventilating, but couldn't catch his breath no matter how he gasped for it. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

 

 _Aoyagi, Aoyagi, Aoyagi_ , he thought desperately.

 

_I'm scared._


	2. Filled it up with Novocaine and now I’m just numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teshima knew he was being selfish, knew he would absolutely have to tell Aoyagi about Ashikiba, but that was all very complicated and he was a coward who didn't want to deal with it right now. He just needed a little time to unwind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This seems as good a time as any to note that I have not read the Yowapeda manga, only watched the anime, so my knowledge of canon Ashikiba is limited. This AU version of him was partially inspired by a [NSFW fanart](http://i.imgur.com/R4fjkiY.jpg), and by TG canon regarding ghoul-human xenotransplants. Do forgive me ;) 
> 
> BTW Kiriska did (spoilery) fanart of Shikiba: [here](http://kiriska.tumblr.com/post/117005372971/yandere-ghoul-shikiba-for-reasons) and [for the 8tracks playlist](http://kiriska.tumblr.com/post/118178318757/um-this-is-at-least-40-miyus-fault)!! Also a cute [Teshima](http://kiriska.tumblr.com/post/116211198287/i-didnt-have-many-commissions-at-eccc-but-here-is)!

 

He didn't know if Ashikiba was giving chase, but Teshima ran until his lungs burned and his knees quavered. He tripped several times, scrapes on his palms and knees as proof, even though it was a blur he scarcely remembered. The subway tunnel yawned before him and without hesitation he lunged down the steps.

 

His skin was slick with cold sweat, his hair plastered against his neck and face. Teshima pulled his hood up. The tunnel was milling with the usual foot traffic, and it was a simple task for him to casually bump into a citizen who wasn't paying attention and lift their wallet. If Ashikiba could track him – if he had a ghoul's nose – then using the subway would shake him off the trail. These crowded places were sensory overload, all metal and lights and stench and a cacophony of noises.

 

He couldn't collect his scattered thoughts at all. He couldn't breathe. Whatever Ashikiba Takuto had become, it triggered pure panic in Teshima's brain. It was that sour brand of ingrained fear and submission reserved for ghouls stronger than him, but worse, a visceral reaction he couldn't conceal or control whatsoever. He hated himself for stepping into that café at all when his amygdala warned him not to.

 

He was holding his cell phone. More accurately, he was shaking it violently in his fist, and even though he knew he couldn't actually call Aoyagi when he was this worked up, it felt like a lifeline to connect them and lead them back together.

 

Teshima focused on slowing his breathing as he watched the train pull up. He didn't bother to check the routes; he would figure that out later. Soon, soon he would be home, he would be with Aoyagi and it would all be okay. Several stops zipped by before his hands were steady enough to press the keys. He managed to type out a text and fixed all the typos before hitting send; hopefully it didn't sound as panicky as he felt at the moment. He was always the first to check in when they were apart; Aoyagi had to be used to it by now.

 

_[Hey, I got a little lost, but I'm on my way back now. Don't let anyone into the apt until I get there, ok?]_

 

There was no response. Teshima leaned his forehead against the cold glass of the window and willed his anxiety to recede (to no avail). He hadn't even been gone that long – one hour, maybe two? He was trembling with exhaustion and hunger and he knew he wasn't exactly blending in right now, but it would all be all right, soon. Maybe Aoyagi would still be sleeping in, and Teshima could crawl under the covers and pretend this was all a nightmare. He shuddered.

 

One kakugan, set in his friend's face; the sight alone would haunt him. (Let alone the feeling of a kiss; Shikiba _kissed_ him, oh god, what would Aoyagi think?!)

 

He had no idea where he was in Tokyo anymore. None of these stations looked familiar since he usually avoided public transportation. Other passengers gave him wide berth and tried not to make eye contact. It was a mercy he hadn't been stopped by police or Doves, considering how wild and disheveled he looked. He squinted at his reflection in the window, and was relieved to see that at least his kakugan weren't visible.

 

His tired eyes closed. He nodded off several times as he rode the subway to the end of the line. In his dreams – or were they memories? – he heard long-forgotten melodies in a dusty middle school music room, a boy's laughter as he tried to sing along, a child's promise that meant nothing to him. Teshima dreamt of his first kiss and the ones that followed, each one a white lie to preserve his secret with the gullible fool who'd fallen in love with a ghoul.

 

He jerked awake when the conductor's voice crackled over the loudspeaker and ordered him to disembark. He did so in a daze, shivering and wiping sudden dampness from his violet eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

"Aoyagi-!"

 

Teshima cried as he burst through the apartment door. He hated hearing that needy edge to his voice, but this morning had been hell. He had trouble even remembering what street he lived on, and every noise made him flinch, thinking he was being followed. For all he knew the four Doves were still lurking on this block, watching, _waiting_. (As if he wasn't paranoid enough already.) It had taken him far too long to get back here.

 

Aoyagi was just waking up. Teshima heaved a huge sigh of relief as he watched the blond ghoul emerge groggily from the blanket cocoon. Teshima remembered the note he left and quickly crumpled and discarded it. Aoyagi squinted, curiosity conveyed in the tilt of his head, and Teshima waved him off with as much nonchalance as he could muster.

 

"You sure slept late. I was just taking out the trash. Let me wash up! Are you ready for round two of cooking?"

 

His voice sounded surprisingly level. Aoyagi rubbed his eyes and yawned before flopping back onto the pillow.

 

Teshima slipped into the bathroom and leaned against the door as it closed. His heart was still racing. He stripped out of his sweaty clothes and threw them into a ball on the floor. With a sense of urgency he washed his hands, scrubbed his face, and toweled away the sweat, working to remove all traces of the unwanted encounter. He stared at his reflection in the mirror.

 

Gradually the pent up fears and insecurities Teshima harbored began to melt away. Everything was okay. He wasn't followed. Aoyagi would be fine, and he would be fine, and there was nothing to worry about. He didn't have to tell Aoyagi about the Quinx just yet; it would only upset him. They would hole up here in the apartment and never leave and it would be fine.

 

Teshima knew he was being selfish, knew he would absolutely have to tell Aoyagi about Ashikiba, but that was all very complicated and he was a coward who didn't want to deal with it right now. He just needed a little time to unwind.

 

After he changed into clean clothes and dragged the covers off of Aoyagi, he set up the cooking magazine on the counter and started gathering ingredients. The pair of ghouls successfully steamed a bowl of white rice in the microwave, but neither of them had much experience with ovens.

 

Aoyagi's impatience led him to crank the heat up too high, and he scorched the oil in the frying pan before they even added the rice and vegetables. Teshima kept frantically consulting the recipe and trying to measure each ingredient exactly, and would have cut himself with the knife had his skin not been resistant to steel. Aoyagi dumped all the components in at once instead of waiting for each step. The egg stuck to the bottom of the pan and soon filled the kitchen with foul-smelling black smoke which neither of them was quite sure was supposed to happen.

 

When the smoke alarm went off, Aoyagi flinched so badly he dumped half of the stir-fry on the floor. His hearing was too sensitive. Teshima managed to shut off the shrieking alarm before he collapsed in a fit of giggles. He couldn't help himself. Aoyagi looked so serious with his kakugan flashing, panting heavily with the frying pan in one hand, spatula in the other, eggy rice strewn about his feet. The ghoul was so far out of his element but he was trying so hard, and Teshima was helplessly head-over-heels, and the whole catastrophe was just so… _cute_.

 

They cleaned up the floor and decided to try something less ambitious with the remaining rice – onigiri, like they'd seen in the movies. The two ghouls stood side by side at the counter with handfuls of steaming rice and attempted to shape them without burning their fingers – Teshima with delicate finesse, Aoyagi with stubborn force. They ended up with a pair of lopsided balls that crumbled before their eyes. Teshima's insistence on adding filling even as he muttered about the wrong kind of rice and the lack of nori wraps and vinegar and not being _prepared_ was what finally drew out Aoyagi's soft laughter.

 

Soon they admitted defeat, but they were both smiling and flicking rice into each others' hair and it hardly mattered what a mess they'd made.

 

* * *

 

 

Teshima successfully avoided thinking about the encounter with Ashikiba for the rest of the day. They put off the hunting trip in favor of nestling under blankets and dozing with fingers interlaced. It wasn't until he woke up cold in the middle of the night and realized his hand was empty that the feeling of _wrongness_ came seeping back under his skin.

 

The covers on the bed were rumpled and tossed aside carelessly. Aoyagi was nowhere to be seen. Teshima pushed his hair back from his eyes and peered uneasily around the dark room.

 

"Aoyagi?"

 

Silence. His heart skipped a beat.

 

Then he heard a muffled groan.

 

Teshima rushed to the bathroom where a sliver of light could be seen from under the door. He wrenched it open without hesitation. Aoyagi lay curled on the bath mat, blond hair strewn over his ashy face. His eyes were glassy and unfocused; drool collected in the corners of his mouth. He curled in on himself when he saw Teshima, and hugged his arms around his belly.

 

"Aoyagi, what happened?" Teshima hissed, dropping to his knees. _Ashikiba couldn't have done this,_ his mind blared stupidly as his shaky hands ran over the smaller ghoul's body. He couldn't feel any injuries, but the ghoul was trembling under his touch.

 

"Cake," Aoyagi mumbled in his smallest voice.

 

Teshima blinked. _What_.

 

"Wanted to show you… I could eat the food," the blond said haltingly. His stomach made an unpleasant gurgle, and he clutched at it with a stubborn glare.

 

Teshima rocked back onto his heels and pushed the hair from his eyes. A slightly hysterical laugh bubbled up from his throat.

 

"You… Aoyagi, how much did you eat? Wait, did you not purge it?"

 

Golden eyes stared blankly. Teshima dragged his hand down his face, simultaneously exasperated and relieved.

 

"You have to purge your stomach: always throw up if you swallow it. Human food makes you sick if you try to digest it. You… no one ever told you, huh? That's gotta hurt," Teshima added sympathetically.

 

He took Aoyagi's hands in his and gently pulled him into a sitting position. The shorter ghoul looked miserable, hanging his head and glaring at the bathroom tiles.

 

"Come on, let's get you back in bed. I'll rub your tummy and put on a DVD for you to watch," Teshima murmured, and pressed a fond kiss to Aoyagi's temple. His skin was clammy to the touch.

 

Aoyagi didn't comment on how cold Teshima's hands were, or how tightly he clung, or how deeply he buried his face in the crook of Aoyagi's shoulder like he was trying to smother himself. They both burrowed under the blanket and said nothing more as they waited for morning.

 

Teshima's fitful dreams were marked with fragments of piano music.

 

* * *

 

 

The buzzing of the doorbell startled them both awake. Teshima blinked owlishly as he met Aoyagi's quizzical stare. It was still dark, and neither of them had any idea what time it was, nor were they expecting a visitor. His heart sank. When it buzzed a second time, Teshima ruffled Aoyagi's hair and gestured for him to lie back down. He would handle it.

 

He slid reluctantly out from under the warmth of the covers, and tiptoed toward the door to squint through the peephole. The face that was too close and distorted by the fisheye lens was the building superintendent. Was this about Aoyagi? Hopefully not, he knew the lease policy was strict about guests and the crabby superintendent had never really liked him. Teshima sighed and patted down his clothes – great, he had never changed from earlier, and his hair was a frizzy mess – and opened the door just a crack.

 

"Good evening, how can I help… you…"

 

The words died on his lips.

 

The superintendent's head dangled from a fist. The neck and spine had been cleanly severed and dripped with kagune secretions. Teshima's gaze slowly tracked to the silhouette looming behind him, a silhouette that was much, much too tall.

 

The door slammed open and Teshima fell backward, scrabbling on his hands to get out of the way. Ashikiba's arm lunged out and grabbed a fistful of his curly hair, yanking him upright with a yelp.

 

"Juuun-chaaan," Ashikiba sang cheerfully as he ducked through the doorway and entered the flat. "I found you again!"

 

Heavy rinkaku burst violently from Ashikiba's lower back and unfurled around him. The four thick appendages were hardened with spikes and rose to spiral at the tips. In the small apartment they loomed imposingly large, scraping the ceiling and walls. Teshima's vision blurred as the kagune wrapped around his throat and flung him into the wall.

 

Aoyagi had scrambled upright on the mattress, teeth bared in an animal snarl. His ukaku erupted from his shoulders and crystallized in crimson spikes. He was too weak to hold the form; it wavered and disintegrated into amorphous plasma. The blond growled in frustration and tried to reform his wings, but Ashikiba was charging the short distance between them and met him all too quickly.

 

His full weight crashed into Aoyagi and slammed him facedown into the bed. The bed frame creaked in protest and gave way, allowing the mattress to capsize to the floor. The smaller ghoul screamed and snapped his jaws uselessly as the investigator yanked his arms behind his back with trained ease. Ashikiba slipped a cable tie from his belt around his wrists and cinched it tight, neatly restraining him in seconds.

 

The flickering ukaku surged upward toward him, branching into the familiar thicket of antlers, but a rinkaku whipped down to hammer at the base of his kakuhou. Aoyagi cried out as his kagune shattered. The Quinx yanked Aoyagi up by his hair and slammed his head against the floor. He crumpled with a pained grunt. In mere moments, Aoyagi had been utterly immobilized.

 

For Teshima, the real horror was realizing Ashikiba wasn't done.

 

Ashikiba rose to his frightening height, rinkaku knocking over the bedstand and bookshelf, and stared down at the injured ghoul through mismatched eyes. "I don't like that Jun-chan smells like you," he stated with a petulant frown. "I don't like that at all."

 

He was humming a song under his breath, and closed his eyes in pleasure as he swayed to the rhythm.

 

The cracking sound that followed was punctuated by a ragged scream.

 

Ashikiba raised his foot and stomped down again. Aoyagi writhed against the ties as another hoarse yell tore unbidden from his throat. His jaw had been crushed by Ashikiba's weight. His face was swollen and bloody, kakugan blazing with helpless rage as he gasped for air.

 

The whorled tips of the rinkaku scraped slowly along Aoyagi's back, tracing an aimless pattern that was clearly meant as a threat to lie still. When he was satisfied that Aoyagi couldn't get up, the Quinx walked to where Teshima lay slumped against the wall. He cupped his hands around the ghoul's face and gave a fond smile, as though nothing had happened.

 

Teshima stared dizzily into the unnatural kakugan, and thought detachedly that he must be concussed. This couldn't be real. This couldn't be happening. The Shikiba he knew would never hurt him.

 

"Yuki-chan will be cross with me. I'm not supposed to use my kagune without my partner. He keeps me from going too far," Ashikiba hummed as his hand strayed to the phone clipped to his belt. "But if I have to, I'll call for him. You don't want them to take you both into custody, Jun-chan. I'd rather not do that. I'd rather you stay with me like this, not in a briefcase... Okay?"

 

He waited until Teshima nodded in a daze. What choice did he have? Ashikiba was unstable thanks to whatever the Doves had done to him, but maybe the part of him that was attached to Teshima, had romantic feelings for him, could be exploited again. A queasy sensation twisted in his gut.

 

"We don’t have to be on different teams, you know," Ashikiba whined childishly. The Quinx was stroking Teshima's face, tenderly tracing the bruises his rinkaku had left. "You're a ghoul, and now I'm a ghoul. You promised we could be together, and I found you after you left me."

 

Teshima licked his lips nervously. The overpowering tension in the air left him subdued and small and sickeningly _compliant_. He had never been one to fight a battle he knew he'd lose.

 

"Sh… Shikiba," he breathed.

 

Ashikiba brightened, smiling eagerly as he waited for what Teshima had to say.

 

"Shikiba, I… I'll do whatever you want if you let Aoyagi live."

 

* * *

 

 

He was so warm, or Teshima was so cold – the ghoul was trembling all over, and couldn't make eye contact. He was an actor, a liar, but this felt like the most dishonest thing he had ever done in his life. Aoyagi was bleeding on the floor right next to him. He ached to go to him, to reassure him and bandage him and somehow make all this go away, but instead another man's lips were on his and Teshima was kissing back.

 

Ashikiba pulled Teshima onto his lap and deepened the kiss, as his large hands slipped underneath Teshima's shirt.

 

_If he could feed Aoyagi, those wounds would recover, he would live. Aoyagi had to live. He would do anything to keep Aoyagi alive, even if Aoyagi hated him for it—_

 

_Was he betraying Aoyagi or saving his life?_

 

Pianist fingers slid down the curve of his spine, questing for the telltale bump of his kakuhou. Teshima flinched as he found it just above his tailbone, and squirmed as the fingers began to massage the sore muscle there. He had excellent control over his kagune, usually, but this was invasive and uncomfortable and he could _feel_ heat trickling slowly downward to pool under Ashikiba's touch.

 

"Jun-chan was my only friend when I was lonely. I love Jun-chan," Ashikiba crooned in his ear. "We're finally together again and I'll never let you go…"

 

Teshima shivered and tried to shy away from the hands on his back, but he could only press closer to Ashikiba's chest, which wasn't really preferable. His head was pounding. He couldn't think straight.

 

"Sh… Shikiba, don't," he mumbled in weak protest.

 

"I want to see it, Jun-chan. Your kagune. Show me what kind of ghoul you are," the Quinx murmured. His lips pressed against Teshima's neck, kissing a trail down to the arch of his collarbone. Teshima's breath caught. He shifted his weight restlessly in Ashikiba's lap and suppressed a whimper. He couldn't tell if Aoyagi was still conscious or not; what if he could hear them? See them? Teshima would degrade himself as much as he had to, but he didn't want Aoyagi to be there for it. All of this was his fault anyway. Aoyagi shouldn't have to pay for it.

 

_This wasn't going to end… was it._

 

He thought he could bluff his way into making Shikiba drop his guard, then trick him somehow, but transplanted instincts were clouding his friend's mind. He wasn't dealing with a gentle giant who had fallen in with the wrong people, he was dealing with a possessive and territorial ghoul. And it was never enough for a _ghoul_. He knew Aoyagi was the same – single-minded and determined, his focus unnerving, his hunger very literal – the ghoul wanted to devour him because his feelings were so overwhelmingly powerful, and it was never enough. He was always hungry for more.

 

He didn't want to look at Aoyagi. He closed his eyes as he felt his kakuhou swelling underneath his skin. He wasn't sure he even had the strength to manifest his kagune right now, but it was growing itchy and hot and he would find out soon.

 

"I'm sorry… Hajime," Teshima mumbled. Ashikiba stopped humming.

 

His lower back bulged and then erupted. His bikaku came spilling out in a rush of red, the glossy carapace shining dully through the gloom. The scorpion-like tip arched behind his back, then lashed forward, striking Ashikiba across the face. The Quinx's head snapped to a sharp angle, his hand flying to cover his mouth.

 

Teshima's life before Aoyagi had revolved around fear. There was no stability he could hold on to; he was inadequate by himself, relied too heavily on others, and then lost them in an endless loop.

 

Teshima used to think he wasn't as territorial as other ghouls, in part due to his history with humans. Aoyagi drew out a side of him that was frighteningly similar to what he saw in others as flaws. He was losing control. His own thoughts were obsessive, preoccupied with Aoyagi, Aoyagi, Aoyagi, wanting to be near him, to watch him, to touch him, to smell him, to mark him and belong to him, and having even the slightest bit of distance between them intensified everything into a dark spiral of anxiety and _need_.

 

_It was never enough. If Shikiba's feelings were that of a ghoul, he would never be satisfied._

 

 

Teshima's fingers dug into Ashikiba's shoulders as he whipped his kagune across his face, slashing over and over. He hated being separated, hated that Aoyagi was suffering, hated that Shikiba was pushing him into desperation. Blood splattered along the mattress as the Quinx's skin was flayed open. Ashikiba's face was shredded into ribbons, the stark contrast of pallid bone and teeth visible through the gaping holes. His one kakugan was pierced, the socket weeping intraocular fluid and activated RC cells down his cheek. The tail tip embedded in his throat, twitching deeper through vein and sinew.

 

Teshima didn't realize he was screaming Aoyagi's name until the heavy rinkaku latched around his throat and cut off his air supply.

 

A second rinkaku cinched around his waist and pushed him roughly into the mattress. He kicked and lashed his tail, but the third and fourth wrapped around the bikaku and restrained its movement. Ashikiba made a soft noise as his tongue probed the garish lacerations along his jawline. His hands closed around the bikaku and dislodged it from his neck, unfazed by the gout of blood that seeped into the white of his uniform collar.

 

"Jun-chan…"

 

The wounds began to knit together, muscle and skin healing over the exposed bone. Ashikiba smiled, his working eye watery with emotion. He looked overjoyed. The damaged kakugan was slowly bubbling and reforming, making the darkened veins stand out against his eyelids. He was a fast healer.

 

"I'm so glad you showed me, Jun-chan… Let me try it. I'll make you forget about him!"

 

Teshima was struggling to breathe as the spiky rinkaku throttled him. He wheezed in protest as Ashikiba's mouth closed on his bikaku, but there was nowhere to go. A strangled cry emanated from his throat as the Quinx bit down and began eating his kagune.

 

Teshima's hands clutched and scratched at the hard shell of the spiral rinkaku collaring him. Stars were bursting in his vision, but he held on to one thing through the dizzying asphyxiation: this was the distraction he'd been hoping to create. The more Ashikiba gave himself over to his ghoul side, the more cannibalism would excite him. Before he lost consciousness, he had to complete his train of thought, finish this one task. He knew there was no victory to be had against an enemy this powerful. He only cared about Aoyagi.

 

With Ashikiba focused on his kagune, Teshima stuffed his fingers into his mouth and bit down as hard as he could. He sawed his teeth back and forth, grinding down until the carpal bones snapped and his convulsing muscles tore. With his good hand, he gripped the mangled fingers and pulled until the last of the connecting tissue ripped free. He was still screaming as the rinkaku squeezed ever-tighter, choking him in earnest. Teshima gripped the severed fingers and scattered them to the floor, throwing pieces of himself to Aoyagi as his last resort.

 

When he finally looked, he saw Aoyagi was crying.

 

It was subtle, the way his shoulders hitched and shook; his voice was muted, mangled jaw making his breathing labored and audible. But he was fully conscious, and he watched in agony as Teshima tore into himself like an animal caught in a foothold trap. Hands tied behind his back, Aoyagi inched painfully along the floor until he could reach the dismembered digits. While Teshima hung limp in Ashikiba's clutches, Aoyagi forced his broken jaw around each finger and swallowed them whole.

 

Teshima swam in and out of consciousness. His kagune broke, unable to sustain form as he lost blood. Ashikiba's hungry jaws pressed against the bare skin of his back and bit into his kakuhou. He was too far gone to resist. The Quinx seemed to realize he was choking his victim to death and finally slacked off his rinkaku, allowing Teshima's battered body to slump into the mattress.

 

His wheezes rattled in his throat. Sensation flooded back to his quivering limbs as he sucked in air. The room was spinning.

 

Teshima glanced up in wonder as the very air exploded in a glittering shower of red crystals.

 

Aoyagi's ukaku flared from above his shoulder blades, firing bursts of projectiles that embedded in the walls, mattress, ceiling, and Ashikiba's giant frame. The Quinx yelped in shock and rolled to his feet, only to wail as more of the shards sank into his chest, belly, and face.

 

Aoyagi sliced open his bonds and scrambled upright. His mutilated jaw was still in the process of healing and hung slack at an unnatural angle. The small ghoul's wings blazed with an intensity that matched his stare. He streaked across the length of the apartment with blinding speed. Rinkaku hammered into the walls and floor behind him, but were too heavy to catch up.

 

Aoyagi reached the kitchen and snatched the glass bottle of oil. In a deft move, he smashed it atop the stove and clicked all four burners on the way Teshima had taught him. He sprang aside as the electric burners began smoking almost immediately. Ashikiba ripped a handful of kagune spines from his face and crushed them in his palm, looking vaguely annoyed in Aoyagi's direction.

 

"Jun-chan is trying so hard to save you and you're throwing that away. You smell like him but you don't love him like I do," the Quinx chided.

 

Aoyagi rejected the chastisement with a wordless snarl. The coiled rinkaku hurtled toward him, unfurling and reaching with spikes bristling. Aoyagi ducked and rolled, leaving the heavy appendages to pulverize the kitchen cabinets and countertop. The earsplitting shriek of the smoke detector made both combatants flinch and clap their hands to their ears.

 

The alarm squalled on as kagune tore apart the kitchen. Teshima leaned heavily against the wall in his struggle to stand. His disfigured hand was in his mouth, sucking at the blood. His thoughts were still dazed, scattered, oxygen-starved. He had a pounding headache, and his back was torn raw. His dilated eyes could barely follow the movements of Aoyagi and Ashikiba through the billowing black smoke. Realistically, he didn't expect to make it out of the apartment alive. He just wanted Aoyagi to take the chance to escape.

 

Several things happened in short succession: the sizzling oil atop the electric stove abruptly burst into flames, as the Quinx cornered Aoyagi and advanced with a terribly calm smile. With nowhere to go, Aoyagi ducked and dove between Ashikiba's towering legs. The bulky rinkaku missed Aoyagi and hammered the sink flat. The faucet spurted water wildly, splashing into the oil, which reacted with furious hissing and popping. Burning oil scattered all over the ruined kitchen, lighting Ashikiba's clothes and hair ablaze.

 

The Quinx doubled over and howled, kagune thrashing and rippling in shape and unwillingly spreading the inferno. Aoyagi abandoned the fight and leaped at Teshima, arms outspread, clothes smoldering, eyes desperate.

 

The last thing the ghoul remembered was the wave of heat crackling in the air, shattering glass around him, and Shikiba crying his name.

 

* * *

 

 

Teshima woke and almost wished he hadn't. Everything hurt.

 

Violet eyes blinked back stinging tears. What was he staring up at? Everything was grey, and… cold.

 

He wriggled his fingers, testing them, and bit back a sob when pain shot through his damaged nerve endings. There was a crude bandage wrapped around the stubs. So it was real. He had chewed off his own fingers, and that meant everything else happened too. His heart fluttered feebly in his chest, working too quickly as the adrenaline petered out.

 

He gasped and shuddered at the chilling memory of teeth on his bikaku, scraping against his lower back, _consuming_ him –

 

"Junta," Aoyagi interjected. His voice was hoarse.

 

Teshima turned his head. He was lying in Aoyagi's lap. That was good. They were outside, judging by the cool breeze brushing against the holes in their torn clothes. He tried to scent the air, but all he smelled was fire – smoke inhalation, his mind helpfully supplied. His throat was sore and itchy, and he coughed in an attempt to clear it. It left him woozy.

 

"Shikiba?" he croaked. His lips were cracked, tongue dry and chalky in his mouth.

 

"I don't like your friend," Aoyagi said seriously.

 

Teshima stared up at him. After a suspended moment of disbelief, he started to laugh, although the wheezy sounds were more painful than funny.

 

Aoyagi didn't smile, but his golden eyes softened as he watched. He pulled something closer to his lap, and after waiting for Teshima to catch his breath, pressed wet fingers insistently against the ghoul's lips. Something tasted sweet on them. Teshima weakly lapped at the mixture without caring what it was. His starving body was desperate for nourishment so that it could heal.

 

In a sick way, they had been lucky Ashikiba was emotionally unstable as a Quinx – had he been a proper investigator, he would have immediately taken them into custody. They certainly couldn't fight him off; even jumping out the window had barely saved them. It was hard to see the bright side after such an ordeal, though. Teshima wasn't naïve enough to believe a fire had killed Ashikiba, so the threat lingered.

 

Guilty conscience made him wish he could save Ashikiba from what he'd become, somehow, but he would execute his friend personally if Aoyagi's life was at stake.

 

Violet gaze dropped to stare dully at what Aoyagi was doing. The superintendent's head was propped on the ground, the skull bashed open. Aoyagi was hand-feeding him the rich slurry of grey matter and congealed blood. The thoughtfulness of the gesture moved him.

 

"I'm sorry, H… Hajime," Teshima muttered. He screwed his eyes shut out of shame. "You got caught up in this but it was my fault, and… I put off telling you because I let him kiss me, and-"

 

"No," Aoyagi rasped.

 

Teshima's eyes fluttered open in confusion. Aoyagi grabbed his good hand and clasped it tightly to his chest.

 

" _I'm_ sorry, Junta," he whispered, and hung his head. "If I were stronger… I would have been able to stop him. I would be able to stop myself. From hurting you. He's like me."

 

Teshima didn't know what to say. He had thought the same thing in the heat of the moment, but Aoyagi never forced anything the way Ashikiba had.

 

He wanted to explain all the ways his life had changed for the better since Aoyagi became a part of it. He wanted Aoyagi to understand that their bond was mutual, no matter how worked up or possessive they got at times. They were both ghouls. He didn't blame Aoyagi for anything.

 

He sighed quietly, and squeezed Aoyagi's fingers in reassurance, willing him to understand. Aoyagi was calmness and safety. Aoyagi was all he could think about, and he would do absolutely anything for him. Anything.

 

"I'd rather you run away than fight someone who would hurt you. Hajime… I love you," he finally responded.

 

"I love you too, Junta."

 

Teshima was still too weak to sit up, so Aoyagi leaned down to kiss him on the nose. Blond hair spilled forward to tickle Teshima's face, and he relaxed with a crooked smile.

 

He pursed his lips as a thought occurred to him. "What made you think of starting an oil fire? I mean, it saved us! But I didn't think you learned that much about how oil works from one lesson."

 

Aoyagi blinked. "…I didn't know it would catch on fire. I just wanted the smoke to set off the alarm and startle him. It's so loud."

 

Teshima stared. Then he leaned in to Aoyagi's waist, muffling his laughter into the fabric of his shirt.

 

"You're unbelievable," the ghoul mumbled affectionately, much to Aoyagi's confusion.

 

Heavy reality began to settle over him then. The rumble of steady traffic revealed the color grey overhead was the cement of an overpass. They were alive, but their apartment was gone. Even if it survived the fire, there was too much evidence for the CCG to ignore. They needed to get far away from here.

 

Dread and loss churned in Teshima's stomach. They had nowhere to go. He tried to maintain his cool, but his hand trembled in Aoyagi's grip.

 

"I don't know where we go from here," Teshima admitted aloud. He still couldn't fathom living completely apart from society, after everything he had been trying to teach Aoyagi about fitting in. "Everything I know about Tokyo… We're broke and homeless, even our clothes are ruined, how can we…?"

 

"I'll show you," Aoyagi promised. He squeezed Teshima's hand even tighter, until the trembling stopped.

 

Teshima settled in with a soft hum. All of his careful plans and covers had literally gone up in flames. Cuddling under a blanket and watching movies was a lifetime ago, and they could never go back. But he trusted Aoyagi. It was difficult for him to not have structure, but he could give up control if he had to.

 

As long as they were together, they would figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...[the aftermath](http://i.imgur.com/gDqZBAA.png)
> 
> Or, have a [reaction gif](http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/fire_community.gif) for long-suffering Q!handler Kuroda :3


End file.
